Circus Circus

Today I feel on the verge of tears! Its been a long week and I started my period this morning. My husband is home sick and so is Matthew. What a crazy day it has been! My house is destroyed and it still isn't summer vacation yet. I guess I had better get used to it. I feel like I live in a three ringed circus at the moment. This makes it hard to put yourself first when there is so much going on around you. Right now I just want to be all by myself for a serious length of time but I know that I would miss them the minute the door shuts.

I totally thought that I had lost no weight last week but low and behold when I got on the scales Monday morning I had lost 3lb. So in 4 weeks I have lost a total of 14lbs. It hasn't been that hard either. It has just taken being organized and accountable. I have written all the calories down that I have eaten and I have stuck to the same calories. I have exercised at least 5 days a week. I have such a long way to go but I now feel like this can be my way of life as I enter my 5th week.

I got on the elliptical this morning and did 30 minutes on that going from level 1 to level 4. I really enjoyed it. I then went to the park and walked for a mile. When I was walking I was thinking about my journey and how I really want to do this. I can do this which I never thought possible. I always had so many obstacles in my way and excuses all the time. It really doesn't matter what you do as long as you make a start. Everyday you should add something new. If you try and do it all at one time then it almost becomes impossible to achieve. That was what I was doing all along. I can honestly see myself going to the gym now. I have stamina now and it has only taken a month to feel the difference. Silly things like going up and down the stairs, tying my shoes and being able to do chores around the house without stopping for a rest. I can't believe how out of shape I was and how badly I was treating my body.

I made this dinner tonight! It was really yummy and the boys liked it too. BONUS! I had some of the meat left over so I put it in a tub in the freezer for a quick meal another day.

I will try not to be so long blogging next time.

P.S. I got on a pair of my new trousers today. A pair that didn't fit!! Woo hooo!!

Really Swimming Suits??

Come on how depressing is it to go swim suit shopping? It is totally soul destroying! How the hell did my thighs and knees get so fat? I don't remember them ever being that huge. That was a total slap in the face from the dressing room mirror! I have an extra pair of thighs if anybody wants them. The mirror never lies and why do I need to see my ass at every angle? Really is it necessary for me to know how horrific it is for others? Totally didn't see that coming from the swim suit aisle!

Well I bought one and I like it! I am just hoping when my thighs and knees get brown it might not be so fatalicious! This is the one I bought. Please note that there is no way that girl has fat knees and for that matter fat thighs. Do you think that we can get a real replica? Maybe I should offer to model for them but I am sure they would hurl their lunches!

So on Monday it will be 4 weeks that I have been being healthy (dieting) and yesterday it was 4 week that I have stopped drinking my drug of choice (diet dr pepper). I am doing good but there have been moments when the thought of a fry has popped into my head. I mean I don't know why because I rarely ate fries before! I am not a big burger fan or for that matter drive thoughs except for Taco Bell because I kind of got a liking for their Taco Bowl. I have found one that I can make one Hungry Girl so I am going to give that a try this week.

I didn't get off track this week but it was definitely one of the harder weeks trying to juggle everything and fit making something to eat in. I feel like I kind of failed the family a bit but we didn't go hungry and I didn't eat anything I shouldn't of had. I did however have two Pita's from the Pita Pit. I went to the movies twice this week so I saved lots of calories and had them for my dinner. They were incredibly delish! Both times I had grilled chicken with tons of salad stuff, a bit of hummus and some taziki sauce. I think I could eat those everyday and I watched how they made them so I think I am going to make them at home.

I am still struggling with the water intake. It is getting better though!

Weigh in day on Monday! Not sure about it this week. Feel bloated and extra fat! Time of the month is around the corner. Damn bloody (get it) time of the month!

Its About Me

Right now this journey has to be about me. I have to stay focused on my goal so that it doesn't slip through my fingers. Being positive is hard for me and I need to try to have a serious attitude change. I focus on the negativity a little too much and need to focus on the positive. I let things bother me that have no business bothering me and I need to let go of this. Its hard to let go of stuff that you have carried around with you for so long and have been used to. Outwardly I think I appear very confident to people but inside that is a totally different matter altogether. I hate confrontation and will do anything to avoid being in that situation. I can't say no! I am learning to though and its been hard. I wish that I had a less sensitive soul and a harder exterior but its part of who I am. As long as I can learn to not leave myself vulnerable I think that I can make it.

"The only disability in life is a bad attitude"

You will never believe my weight loss this week..... I lost 4lbs! So in total I have now lost 11lbs! So exciting and I definitely walked a bit harder this morning.

I am struggling with the water drinking thing. I can't seem to get the stuff down me. So I need to focus on that more this week.

My meal plan is a little bit lame too. I need to sit and figure that out before I end up in a situation that I don't want to be in. Lunches are good and I am finding great things to eat with that. I told you I am totally in love with these haven't I? They just fill that bread craving and are only 100 calories. I also found some veggie burgers from Safeway that are 100 calories each. So these make a lovely lunch. The veggie burgers have cheese in them and are so yummy. I definitely don't feel like I am dieting just eating healthier. I have run out of my rice krispie treats and need to go get some. They are my sweet treat that make me happy.

So onwards and upwards to another great week!!

Love Languages

I figured out a long time ago (well probably 6 years ago) that my love language is Words of Affirmation.

"Actions don't always speak louder than words. If this is your love language, unsolicited compliments mean the world to you. Hearing the words I love you are important - hearing the reasons behind that love send your spirits skyward. Insults can leave you shattered and not easily forgotten."

If you want to check out your love language go here.

I don't know if it has always been Words of Affirmation or if I ended up like that by default. I don't remember my mother telling me she loved me or ever hearing her praise me. I know that I thrive on reward and recognition. It doesn't mean I want a gift every time I do something but I like to know that it has been appreciated or that it has been noticed.

So lately I have been getting lots of praise on my blog, on my achievements and how much I have changed. I have enjoyed hearing this and it has spurred me on and has given me so much more confidence in what I am doing.

Every morning when I am walking to school, a lovely lady at the school always shouts out her car window.... way to go Catherine!! You know what? I walk a little faster and my smile is brighter! Its simple gestures in life that go a long way.

Once a few years back I watched this man walk everyday. I saw him all the time. He was big and he struggled but he did it everyday. So one day when I was in the car I pulled over and called to the man through the window. He came over and I told him that I just wanted him to know that I thought he was doing an amazing job and that he was inspiring me. He was so happy and said that no one had ever said that to him and that he had to get fit because his health was failing. I think I made his day and it made my day too.

The key to our success is finding out who we are and what makes us tick. We spend so much time wrapped up in the here and now that we forget to focus on what is important. My health is important and I am important. What kind of example an I setting for my children if I can't begin to help myself overcome the strangling hold that weight has had on my life? I need to lead by example and show my children the way.

So that said..... we tend to think we can't possibly be on a diet or be good or pick healthy choices because we are way too busy to prepare the right food. I don't have time, the kids have this and the family doesn't like it. These are the excuses we use to not commit to being fit. It isn't like that and it doesn't take long. Its worth it and it tastes good and it freezes. The kids can try new stuff and so can you. Take the time out! Stop and think about what you are eating and whats in it. How many calories are you eating? You can do this. I am doing this and I am now entering my 4th week on Monday!!

I made this tonight and I went to church. I went to the store and I came home at 6:45 pm. I still made it and it was worth it. It was worth not giving in because we were all hungry. Now I have two extra burgers in the freezer for the next time that we are late in and don't want to cook. Start out small and build up! Go on you all know you want a Turkey Ranch Burger!

Like the day I knew I could drive was the day that I didn't have sweaty armpits. The day that I can walk into a room and not feel self conscious is the day that I am at my goal weight!

Change

Sometimes its the smallest decision that can change your life forever!

Over the last few months I feel like I have finally grown up. What an odd statement to say but I do. I finally feel like I am in control of my life and that I am no longer living it to please others. I have spent way too much of my life trying to fit in and to make sure everyone likes me. I still want people to like me but its not the be all and end all that I always felt it was. It really doesn't matter anymore if someone doesn't like me. There are people that I don't particularly like and maybe that's too harsh. Maybe I should say there are people that I care not to spend time with. I think that growing up with an alcoholic mother and loosing my Dad made me insecure and self conscious. I was always very aware of my situation and of the normality of other peoples homes. I lost out on the teenage years where you get to figure out who you are and what you are. I was thrown into taking care of not only myself but my brother too. BUT I made it and I am here and I am Happy! Most of all I am in control and I feel like this big huge guilty weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I am in control of my mind, soul and body! I feel empowered and alive!

Life can either be accepted or changed. If its not accepted, then it must be changed. If it can not be changed then it must be accepted. We must become the change that we want to see and not the change that we feel others want to see.

Turkey Turkey

It has taken me awhile to actually like ground turkey. At first I couldn't stand the smell of it and it just didn't quite have the pizzaz that ground beef had. I don't know why I like ground beef perhaps because my favourite dinner is Shepherds Pie! I love Shepherds Pie and it is my go to comfort food especially if I am homesick. I have to say now I don't mind ground turkey at all. It is very versatile and replaces ground beef very well. It is way more healthier for you too.

I have a chili recipe that I make with ground turkey but I need to see if I can find it on the web and if I can't then I will type it up and post it on here. It is so yummy and Trevor wants it every week. I make a huge batch of it up and we can either freeze the rest or leave it in the fridge for lunches. I just had the rest for lunch today and feel nice and full now.

A friend of mine sent me an email with an awesome website that I have been looking at today. You should go check it out. It has single serving recipes on it and it also tells you the points for Weight Watches if you are doing that. Very cool indeed.

Its called Hungry Girl.

This is another good website that I just found too - Sparkrecipes and this one 3 Fat Chicks on a Diet.

Let me know if you find any fab websites too or you have a recipe that I should try.

I am going to start taking pictures of the meals I make so you can see how yummy they are.

I made Cheesy Chicken Enchiladas last night and everyone loved them. So go here to try them.

Well I couldn't walk to school this morning or go swimming because I had to wait for the alarm guy to come and fit the alarm to our new doors. So I am going to kidnap a friend and make her walk with me tonight. I felt so disappointed this morning that I couldn't walk. I am really enjoying it and like getting the majority of my exercise out of the way in the morning. I guess these are the hiccups to my routine that I will have to over come..!

Moody

I don't know about today. I feel kind of blah and I think that it has rolled over from yesterday. I guess at times I will get kind of personal on here and those of you that know me probably already know most things about me. I don't want any sympathy or anything, I just need to be able to write down how I am feeling and whats going on in my life. I didn't want to exercise this morning but I like the walk so I knew that would be good but my feet burned all the way there. Maybe it was the socks I was wearing and it was kind of warm this morning plus I had a back pack on as I was meeting my friend to go swimming. It just kind of sucked really.

I don't like to complain and I don't want to be a complainer but sometimes I guess we all need to vent. Over the years I have come to the conclusion that I don't like to gossip either. I would rather stay well away from it. If you tell me something it will stay with me even if you annoy me. :0)

Yesterday I got upset because I got some pictures emailed to me from my mother in law. They were from the wedding of Trevor's cousin at the weekend. The bride was my bridesmaid at my wedding and I was ok with not going. It just hit me hard yesterday when there were pictures of my niece on there as her bridesmaid. Those of you that know me, know that I lost my daughter Annabel nine years ago to stillbirth. Annabel and my niece would have been the same age and Annabel would have been a bridesmaid too. I know that its no ones fault and I know that my mother in law was being nice sharing the pictures with me but I didn't know that it would hurt my heart as much as it did. At first I was angry and then just sad. I have many of these things to go through and loosing a child is something you have to live with forever. There will always be little reminders of what I have lost but trust me when I say this, I would never ever in a million years change what has happened to me because if I did there would be no Matthew in my life. He is truly the light of my life!

So I need to shake this off and move on and up! We are having new doors put in our family room. French doors to be exact! Ooo la la! I am so excited and right now I am looking at a big open hole in the wall. It will look great and means that we can get in and out to the pool easier now. I am however trying to not look at the mess!

Tonight's dinner is low calorie Easy Chicken Enchiladas. If they turn out good I will post the recipe tomorrow for you all to try. I forgot to say that if you click on the recipes I posted below they will take you to he website that they are on.

Oh and I totally enjoyed the swimming. I did some aerobic exercises in the pool and swam 4 laps. I know only 4 laps but my arms were hurting. I will work up to it more. One thing at a time but I felt great and then I walked home from the pool. My neighbour was in the pool swimming looking all toned and perfect... which made me kind of bummed but my friend who wants to remain nameless said that her motto is "That wherever you go there is always someone bigger than you", so lets remember that and not that fact that she runs triathlons and I don't... hehe!!

A Hop, Skip and a Jump

This morning I had to go to school to help set up breakfast for the teachers as its Teacher Appreciation Week but I also wanted to walk. So I drove home put my sneakers on and walked to school. It is a two mile round trip to school and back home. I really love this walk NOW! I didn't like it when I first started. It was tiring and hard work. I would have to keep stopping to rest but now I have shaved ten minutes off both ways! It takes time to get fitter but when you do it is noticeable. I also have a pedometer which is fantastic. It tells you how many steps you have walked, how many of them are aerobic steps, calories burned and how many miles you have walked. This is the one I have (click here). I have been walking 4 miles a day and sometimes 5 miles! When I am not too exhausted I have been going on the elliptical!

Well today I walked to the school and my friend wasn't there so I walked round to meet her and we walked a different way home which made it a nice change. We walked past the community pool and decided that we would walk and then do swimming in the morning. This is turning out to be lots of fun hanging out with my friend and working out. We headed back to my house and on the way there I saw something on the dirt path and jumped over it. When I looked back I said what was that and my friend said it was a snake. I said Shit! lol Shit was a good word to describe it. It wasn't that big and I am glad that I jumped over it and didn't stand on it.

I guess I better watch where I am walking in the wash from now on. This is the first snake I have ever seen while out walking.

When we did get back to my house I realized that I had the wrong key with me. We couldn't get back into the house. I couldn't believe it. We had to walk all the way back to my friends house and then she had to drive me to my husbands work place so I could get his key. It was a crazy day but I got my 4 miles in walking done today! That's what counts!!

Weigh in Day!

On Monday morning I weigh myself and I can only do it then because my dear husband has hidden the scales. He says he doesn't want me to weigh myself more often because then I might get discouraged like I did last week when I only lost two pounds. I was disappointed because I had walked myself silly and stuck to the calories. So he had to hide them. I did find his first hiding place though (smirk)! He has hidden them again but I will refrain from looking for them for the moment... lol!

Well........................ I lost 5lbs this week! I am totally happy and feel like dancing a jig! So in the last two weeks I have lost 7lbs. I can totally live with that. I am trying to stop myself from mentally adding up how much I could loose by the cruise because I don't want to be disappointed. If I can get into those bargain pants I bought on sale I will be more than pleased.

This is a lifetime journey that I will be on. I want to be at my goal weight (which I haven't decided) by my 40th birthday which is in two years. I know I can do this. I want to do this. I think that's the difference. I know that there will be hiccups along the way and it won't always be smooth sailing! So if I can do this then you can do this! Lets seize the weight!

Today I also wanted to share with you some recipes that I have tried over the last two weeks. They have been delish and my husband says its not like being on a diet. I don't think we should consider it as a diet but as a healthy option. The change over to healthy foods hasn't been hard for us as we have been eating that way for years now. For me its about portion control, snacking and exercising. If you can get your head around the fact that you are not being cheated because you are not eating that big bag of chips with your dinner than you can do this. I love to cook and this has been an adventure. (Note:- It is not considered an adventure when you are trying to make a recipe at 6pm because you have been out all day and it takes an hour and by the time you sit to eat you are ravenous and could eat your own child!) So here are a few fab dinners and you have to try them.

Creamy Corn and Vegetable Soup

Bean Tostada

Mozzerella Stuffed Turkey Meatloaf

Turkey Meatballs

Turkey Taco Pie

Well I have another story to share but I need to go shower and clean up the house a bit before I get banned from my laptop plus I am waiting for a picture.... :0)

Snack-o-Licious

So I am a snacker. I love snacks and could skip meals for snacks. I especially love snacks when I am on Facebook :0).

My wonderful husband helped me with that. He made me up lots of 100 calorie snack packs. He measured out stuff like cheerios, Quaker rice cakes, crackers, pretzels and he even measured out oatmeal so I could pour it out in the morning and just make it. It has really helped me lots.

To hold myself accountable I have a tiny composition note book that I keep my calorie intake in and also how many carbs I have eaten (I am a diabetic too). I prefer to eat more at dinner time as that is when I find myself the most hungry. I have yet to starve and have not felt that my throat has been slit yet. Although I am totally ready to eat at meal times and if it gets to late I am a grouch master.










I also write at the back of the book the calories in things that I have often so that I can remember without looking it up all the time.

I have found quite of few snacks that are low in calorie content and that have become a staple on my diet.

I love these things:-

Rice Krispie Treats 90 calories

Fibre 1 Bars 90 calories

Fruit Roll Up 50 calories

Gogurts 70 calories (especially nice frozen)

Medium Apple 100 calories

10 small Strawberries 50 calories

This is a start and I will add more as I find them.

From the Beginning

Well here we go. I did have a blog a long time ago and wrote on it for two years but gave it up when I found I had an audience that I no longer wanted to please. I know that sounds bad but I wasn't writing for myself anymore and felt that I couldn't express how I felt.

So here I am on this journey to getting fit. I guess what prompted me to start is that we are going on a cruise this summer to Alaska. I didn't want to get on the cruise and have regrets that I didn't try to loose any weight. There can be no regrets allowed when you are going on a vacation of a lifetime! I also wanted to be able to keep up with everyone else as the land tour of our vacation would probably include lots of walking. The other biggest reason is I wanted to feel beautiful inside and out.


My journey began two week ago. I have been crying about my weight on an off for the last four years or so. I have always had issues with my weight but never before had I been this heavy. I got sick four years ago with a thyroid condition called Hashimotos. It affects women in their child bearing years. It was quite devasting for me. I put tons of weight on and got so sick I didn't know what had happened to me.

I had no energy to speak of. I couldn't even get out of my car and walk inside the local supermarket. I fell asleep where ever I sat and slept on every car journey I went on. I had heart palpations and ended up having an angio gram to see if I had a blocked artery! Life was pretty grim and I kept going up in clothes sizes. I had insomnia and was very depressed. I think my husband thought he had a new wife. The only thing good that came out of that was that I learned how to relax. I was a clean freak and very OCD but when I got sick I couldn't do it anymore. Needless to say I still like things clean but I enjoy my life more and the death grip it had on me is gone now!

I personally beleive that health issues and personal issues play a huge part in how our bodies are. I always had an excuse as to why I was over weight and why I couldn't excercise. I don't want those excuses anymore. I want my life back and more than anything I want my body back. I want to be in control of who I am.

So here begins my journey and I hope that you join me on the ride of my life!

I will be adding recipes and adding links that I have found that are helping me. I want to share ideas that have helped you too.