I am back!!

Wow I can't believe that it was May when I last blogged. I totally fell off the wagon! I couldn't even see the wagon in the distance it was totally obscured by my belly! (I kind of feel like I sound like Shrek there lol) I had to get a new one built and its going to be ready for me tomorrow morning!

I am going to get up and make some oatmeal and then take the boys to school. When I get back I am plugging my ipod in and hitting the streets to walk my big bum off I have got to do this and remind myself of how great I felt before. I felt well and full of energy. Right now I just feel like a big tired old blob. I am one year and 2 and 1/2 months from being 40. I promised myself that I would be at my goal weight by the time I am 40. I can do this and I want to do this.

I have felt myself getting depressed about my age and feeling so old lately. I really need to get out of this funk and look at what I do have. I am a stay at home mum and I am very blessed that I can stay at home. Things are tight now and then but most of the time we are on an even keel. I just get lonely during the day and I need to fill that time up with stuff I want to do now. Its hard because I have always been a carer and really have not had any interests and hobbies. I need to most definitely make losing weight my new hobby.

So tonight I am going to sort out our meal plan for the next week. Then tomorrow I will go and get some of the shopping that I need.

Wish me luck and I hope that you all follow me on my journey!!

Circus Circus

Today I feel on the verge of tears! Its been a long week and I started my period this morning. My husband is home sick and so is Matthew. What a crazy day it has been! My house is destroyed and it still isn't summer vacation yet. I guess I had better get used to it. I feel like I live in a three ringed circus at the moment. This makes it hard to put yourself first when there is so much going on around you. Right now I just want to be all by myself for a serious length of time but I know that I would miss them the minute the door shuts.

I totally thought that I had lost no weight last week but low and behold when I got on the scales Monday morning I had lost 3lb. So in 4 weeks I have lost a total of 14lbs. It hasn't been that hard either. It has just taken being organized and accountable. I have written all the calories down that I have eaten and I have stuck to the same calories. I have exercised at least 5 days a week. I have such a long way to go but I now feel like this can be my way of life as I enter my 5th week.

I got on the elliptical this morning and did 30 minutes on that going from level 1 to level 4. I really enjoyed it. I then went to the park and walked for a mile. When I was walking I was thinking about my journey and how I really want to do this. I can do this which I never thought possible. I always had so many obstacles in my way and excuses all the time. It really doesn't matter what you do as long as you make a start. Everyday you should add something new. If you try and do it all at one time then it almost becomes impossible to achieve. That was what I was doing all along. I can honestly see myself going to the gym now. I have stamina now and it has only taken a month to feel the difference. Silly things like going up and down the stairs, tying my shoes and being able to do chores around the house without stopping for a rest. I can't believe how out of shape I was and how badly I was treating my body.

I made this dinner tonight! It was really yummy and the boys liked it too. BONUS! I had some of the meat left over so I put it in a tub in the freezer for a quick meal another day.

I will try not to be so long blogging next time.

P.S. I got on a pair of my new trousers today. A pair that didn't fit!! Woo hooo!!

Really Swimming Suits??

Come on how depressing is it to go swim suit shopping? It is totally soul destroying! How the hell did my thighs and knees get so fat? I don't remember them ever being that huge. That was a total slap in the face from the dressing room mirror! I have an extra pair of thighs if anybody wants them. The mirror never lies and why do I need to see my ass at every angle? Really is it necessary for me to know how horrific it is for others? Totally didn't see that coming from the swim suit aisle!

Well I bought one and I like it! I am just hoping when my thighs and knees get brown it might not be so fatalicious! This is the one I bought. Please note that there is no way that girl has fat knees and for that matter fat thighs. Do you think that we can get a real replica? Maybe I should offer to model for them but I am sure they would hurl their lunches!

So on Monday it will be 4 weeks that I have been being healthy (dieting) and yesterday it was 4 week that I have stopped drinking my drug of choice (diet dr pepper). I am doing good but there have been moments when the thought of a fry has popped into my head. I mean I don't know why because I rarely ate fries before! I am not a big burger fan or for that matter drive thoughs except for Taco Bell because I kind of got a liking for their Taco Bowl. I have found one that I can make one Hungry Girl so I am going to give that a try this week.

I didn't get off track this week but it was definitely one of the harder weeks trying to juggle everything and fit making something to eat in. I feel like I kind of failed the family a bit but we didn't go hungry and I didn't eat anything I shouldn't of had. I did however have two Pita's from the Pita Pit. I went to the movies twice this week so I saved lots of calories and had them for my dinner. They were incredibly delish! Both times I had grilled chicken with tons of salad stuff, a bit of hummus and some taziki sauce. I think I could eat those everyday and I watched how they made them so I think I am going to make them at home.

I am still struggling with the water intake. It is getting better though!

Weigh in day on Monday! Not sure about it this week. Feel bloated and extra fat! Time of the month is around the corner. Damn bloody (get it) time of the month!

Its About Me

Right now this journey has to be about me. I have to stay focused on my goal so that it doesn't slip through my fingers. Being positive is hard for me and I need to try to have a serious attitude change. I focus on the negativity a little too much and need to focus on the positive. I let things bother me that have no business bothering me and I need to let go of this. Its hard to let go of stuff that you have carried around with you for so long and have been used to. Outwardly I think I appear very confident to people but inside that is a totally different matter altogether. I hate confrontation and will do anything to avoid being in that situation. I can't say no! I am learning to though and its been hard. I wish that I had a less sensitive soul and a harder exterior but its part of who I am. As long as I can learn to not leave myself vulnerable I think that I can make it.

"The only disability in life is a bad attitude"

You will never believe my weight loss this week..... I lost 4lbs! So in total I have now lost 11lbs! So exciting and I definitely walked a bit harder this morning.

I am struggling with the water drinking thing. I can't seem to get the stuff down me. So I need to focus on that more this week.

My meal plan is a little bit lame too. I need to sit and figure that out before I end up in a situation that I don't want to be in. Lunches are good and I am finding great things to eat with that. I told you I am totally in love with these haven't I? They just fill that bread craving and are only 100 calories. I also found some veggie burgers from Safeway that are 100 calories each. So these make a lovely lunch. The veggie burgers have cheese in them and are so yummy. I definitely don't feel like I am dieting just eating healthier. I have run out of my rice krispie treats and need to go get some. They are my sweet treat that make me happy.

So onwards and upwards to another great week!!

Love Languages

I figured out a long time ago (well probably 6 years ago) that my love language is Words of Affirmation.

"Actions don't always speak louder than words. If this is your love language, unsolicited compliments mean the world to you. Hearing the words I love you are important - hearing the reasons behind that love send your spirits skyward. Insults can leave you shattered and not easily forgotten."

If you want to check out your love language go here.

I don't know if it has always been Words of Affirmation or if I ended up like that by default. I don't remember my mother telling me she loved me or ever hearing her praise me. I know that I thrive on reward and recognition. It doesn't mean I want a gift every time I do something but I like to know that it has been appreciated or that it has been noticed.

So lately I have been getting lots of praise on my blog, on my achievements and how much I have changed. I have enjoyed hearing this and it has spurred me on and has given me so much more confidence in what I am doing.

Every morning when I am walking to school, a lovely lady at the school always shouts out her car window.... way to go Catherine!! You know what? I walk a little faster and my smile is brighter! Its simple gestures in life that go a long way.

Once a few years back I watched this man walk everyday. I saw him all the time. He was big and he struggled but he did it everyday. So one day when I was in the car I pulled over and called to the man through the window. He came over and I told him that I just wanted him to know that I thought he was doing an amazing job and that he was inspiring me. He was so happy and said that no one had ever said that to him and that he had to get fit because his health was failing. I think I made his day and it made my day too.

The key to our success is finding out who we are and what makes us tick. We spend so much time wrapped up in the here and now that we forget to focus on what is important. My health is important and I am important. What kind of example an I setting for my children if I can't begin to help myself overcome the strangling hold that weight has had on my life? I need to lead by example and show my children the way.

So that said..... we tend to think we can't possibly be on a diet or be good or pick healthy choices because we are way too busy to prepare the right food. I don't have time, the kids have this and the family doesn't like it. These are the excuses we use to not commit to being fit. It isn't like that and it doesn't take long. Its worth it and it tastes good and it freezes. The kids can try new stuff and so can you. Take the time out! Stop and think about what you are eating and whats in it. How many calories are you eating? You can do this. I am doing this and I am now entering my 4th week on Monday!!

I made this tonight and I went to church. I went to the store and I came home at 6:45 pm. I still made it and it was worth it. It was worth not giving in because we were all hungry. Now I have two extra burgers in the freezer for the next time that we are late in and don't want to cook. Start out small and build up! Go on you all know you want a Turkey Ranch Burger!

Like the day I knew I could drive was the day that I didn't have sweaty armpits. The day that I can walk into a room and not feel self conscious is the day that I am at my goal weight!

Change

Sometimes its the smallest decision that can change your life forever!

Over the last few months I feel like I have finally grown up. What an odd statement to say but I do. I finally feel like I am in control of my life and that I am no longer living it to please others. I have spent way too much of my life trying to fit in and to make sure everyone likes me. I still want people to like me but its not the be all and end all that I always felt it was. It really doesn't matter anymore if someone doesn't like me. There are people that I don't particularly like and maybe that's too harsh. Maybe I should say there are people that I care not to spend time with. I think that growing up with an alcoholic mother and loosing my Dad made me insecure and self conscious. I was always very aware of my situation and of the normality of other peoples homes. I lost out on the teenage years where you get to figure out who you are and what you are. I was thrown into taking care of not only myself but my brother too. BUT I made it and I am here and I am Happy! Most of all I am in control and I feel like this big huge guilty weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I am in control of my mind, soul and body! I feel empowered and alive!

Life can either be accepted or changed. If its not accepted, then it must be changed. If it can not be changed then it must be accepted. We must become the change that we want to see and not the change that we feel others want to see.

Turkey Turkey

It has taken me awhile to actually like ground turkey. At first I couldn't stand the smell of it and it just didn't quite have the pizzaz that ground beef had. I don't know why I like ground beef perhaps because my favourite dinner is Shepherds Pie! I love Shepherds Pie and it is my go to comfort food especially if I am homesick. I have to say now I don't mind ground turkey at all. It is very versatile and replaces ground beef very well. It is way more healthier for you too.

I have a chili recipe that I make with ground turkey but I need to see if I can find it on the web and if I can't then I will type it up and post it on here. It is so yummy and Trevor wants it every week. I make a huge batch of it up and we can either freeze the rest or leave it in the fridge for lunches. I just had the rest for lunch today and feel nice and full now.

A friend of mine sent me an email with an awesome website that I have been looking at today. You should go check it out. It has single serving recipes on it and it also tells you the points for Weight Watches if you are doing that. Very cool indeed.

Its called Hungry Girl.

This is another good website that I just found too - Sparkrecipes and this one 3 Fat Chicks on a Diet.

Let me know if you find any fab websites too or you have a recipe that I should try.

I am going to start taking pictures of the meals I make so you can see how yummy they are.

I made Cheesy Chicken Enchiladas last night and everyone loved them. So go here to try them.

Well I couldn't walk to school this morning or go swimming because I had to wait for the alarm guy to come and fit the alarm to our new doors. So I am going to kidnap a friend and make her walk with me tonight. I felt so disappointed this morning that I couldn't walk. I am really enjoying it and like getting the majority of my exercise out of the way in the morning. I guess these are the hiccups to my routine that I will have to over come..!